(Disclaimer: The court proceedings are a pure work of fiction.)

 Hubby asked, ‘What are you reading with so much amusement?’

‘My friend’s daughter is a lawyer in Jaipur. She has sent me the Court’s proceedings,’ I responded.

‘Court proceedings? Is it the friend whose husband divorced her because she refused to feed his cats?’ Hubby queried.

‘No, Dear. You remember, last week there was news that a monkey had fled with the murder weapon in a lower court in Jaipur.’

‘Well, our friend’s daughter is a budding lawyer in Jaipur. So, we asked Rekha to give us some information about that case. She has sent us excerpts of the proceedings in the Jaipur Lower Court.’ I added.

‘As you are aware, a youth named Shashikant Sharma was found dead at a primary health centre under Chandraji police station, Jaipur jurisdiction. After gathering pieces of evidence, including the murder weapon, the police arrested two persons. This was in 2016. Recently the Court asked the police to produce the evidence. The police have given in writing that a monkey had stolen the bag of evidence.’ I added.

‘Someone is up to monkey tricks,’ Hubby Dear commented.

‘It is not only a monkey trick; it is very fishy too. Read the excerpts of the witnesses’ questions and their replies.’ I told him.

 I. Excerpts from hearing of Dr Uday Singh, who performed the autopsy of the deceased-Suryakant Sharma.

Lawyer: Doctor, did you perform the autopsy of the deceased, Suryakant Sharma?

Doctor: Yes Sir.

Lawyer: How do you know the deceased’s name? Was he carrying any identity?

Doctor: I was informed to perform the autopsy on Suryakant Sharma’s body.

Lawyer: So, you are not sure if you performed the autopsy on Suryakant Sharma or any other person.

 Doctor: Yes Sir.

Doctor: OK. Let us presume you performed the autopsy of Suryakant Sharma. Now, tell me, before you performed the autopsy did you check for his pulse?

Doctor: No

Lawyer: Did you check his blood pressure?

Doctor: No

Lawyer:  His breathing?

Doctor: No

Lawyer:  So, the patient could have been alive when you performed the autopsy?

Doctor: No

Lawyer: How are you so sure, he was dead?

Doctor: Because police brought a body which was decomposed beyond recognition.

Lawyer: So, you confirm that the person may not be Suryakant Sharma.

Doctor: I confirm that the autopsy was done on a dead body.

Lawyer: OK. OK. Can you describe the person you conducted the autopsy on?

Doctor: He was of medium height, and had a moustache and a beard.

Lawyer: Was this person a male or female?

Doctor: I refrain from answering this question.

Lawyer: OK. Let us assume he was a male. What are your findings?

Doctor: The death occurred due to stabbing by a sharp weapon, approximately 5 cm from his heart, leading to bleeding and death.

Lawyer: If the sharp weapon, as you mention had pierced about 10 cm from the heart, do you think, the body would be alive?

Doctor: No, the wound was deep and there was excessive bleeding.

Lawyer: If bleeding had not occurred, could he have been saved and alive?

Doctor: If the murder had not occurred, he would be alive

Lawyer: Thank you. That is all for today. You may leave.

 Doctor: Sir, I request you to ask me any other questions you may wish to ask, as I intend to resign tomorrow.

Lawyer: No! This is a case of life and death, and your findings are crucial to the case, so you are advised to be available to attend the Court’s summons till the judgement is delivered.

Doctor: I am a forensic Doctor conducting autopsies on dead bodies. So, it is not a life and death case. It is only a dead case.

Lawyer: I request the Court to refrain Dr, Uday Singh from resigning from his post.

(As the Doctor was leaving the witness box, the lawyer was overheard asking the Doctor if he chants Hanuman Chalisa while conducting the autopsies. The Doctor's response was not audible.)

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 II. Excerpts from the hearing of Constable Makhan Lal, the prime witness of the theft of the crucial pieces of evidence.

Lawyer: You were the police constable on duty when the monkey took the evidence?

Constable: Yes Sir.

Lawyer:  What were the pieces of evidence that were collected from the murder scene?

Constable: We collected 15 pieces of evidence.

Lawyer: Where were these pieces of evidence kept?

Constable: They were kept in a bag and marked as evidence i.r.o case no. 1234/2016.

Lawyer: Where was this bag kept?

Constable: It was kept near a peepal tree behind the side gate of police thana.

Lawyer: Why was this peepal tree chosen? Why not any other peepal tree or any other tree?

Constable: There is only one tree in the police thana compound, so it was kept there.

(The lawyer’s assistant prompts something in his ears. The Lawyer nodded, saying,’ Yes, yes, I was about to ask.’)

Lawyer:  Why was the bag not kept inside the police station?

Constable: The record room of the police station had to be cleared, Sir.

Lawyer:  Why? Who ordered it to be cleared?

Constable: As the Chief of Police was to conduct a surprise visit the next day, we wanted to impress him with a clean record room.

Lawyer: Are you saying you cleaned the record room of all the records to show a clean room, to the visitor?

Constable: No Sir, Shri Ghanshyam and myself removed all the records and kept them under the peepal tree, for The Chief of Police, not a visitor, Sir.

Lawyer: Who is Shri Ghanshyam?

Constable: Sir, he was also a constable, who helped me that day.

Lawyer: Oh! So, where is this Constable Ghanshyam today?

Constable: He has gone to his village to arrange the marriage of his second daughter from his first wife, who died in childbirth, Sir.

Lawyer: (Irritated) Why are you giving unnecessary information? Answer only the pertinent questions, that I am asking.

Constable: Okay, Sir.

Lawyer: Is it true you were at the  crime scene till you left?

Constable: Yes. Sir.

Lawyer: Tell us what happened?

Constable: Sir, as I mentioned, we were removing all the records from the Record room and keeping them under the peepal tree, when a monkey came and took a bag containing the evidence.

Lawyer: How do you know the monkey took the bag containing evidence of this trial?

Constable: Because the murder weapon etc. , were kept in a red bag and the monkey stole that red bag.

Lawyer: Why were they kept in red bag? And not blue or green or any other colours?

Constable: Because red signifies blood, danger and murder, Sir.

Lawyer: OK.OK. What did you do, when you saw the monkey take the bag?

Constable: Sir, I ran after the monkey.

Lawyer: Only you ran after the monkey? Why did Shri Ghanshyam not chase the monkey?

Constable: Sir, at that time, he had gone to bring more bags from the record room.

Lawyer:  So, you are the only witness to see the monkey stealing the bag of evidence.

Constable: (proudly)Yes, Sir.

Lawyer: Was the monkey alone himself?

Constable: It was only one monkey, Sir.

Lawyer: Can you describe the monkey that took the evidence?

Constable: It looked like a monkey, Sir.

Lawyer: Please describe in detail.

Constable: Sir, I have poor memory. So don’t remember the details.

Lawyer: OK.OK. Tell us, what did you do, when you saw the monkey steal the bag?

Constable: I ran after it, Sir. But it climbed the peepal tree.

Lawyer: Why did you not climb to catch the monkey on the tree?

Constable: Sir, I could not climb the tree. My belly came in the way, Sir.

Lawyer: (Turning to the Judge who was dozing)

              This point may be noted, your Honour. The constable did not climb the peepal tree to catch the monkey and the bag of evidence because his belly obstructed his movements.

I would like to place on record a request to the Jaipur Police to conduct Yoga classes for their constables to keep them fit and trim. Details of the Yoga classes may be procured from me, as my wife is running a successful Yoga centre in Jaipur Cantt.

Lawyer: (Turning to the Constable) Then, what did you do?

Constable: Sir, I hit my baton on the peepal tree but the monkey did not budge.

Lawyer: Did you take a photo of the monkey?

Constable: No Sir, I did not have a smartphone in 2016.

Lawyer:  Then what is the proof that you saw the monkey take the bag of evidence?

Constable: I saw with my own two eyes, Sir!

Lawyer: What did you see?

Constable: I saw the monkey sitting on the peepal tree with the evidence in his hands.

Lawyer: Hands? I did not know monkeys have hands.

Constable: Sorry Sir, I meant his legs used as hands.

Lawyer: And what did you do?

Constable: I tried to hit the monkey with my baton, Sir.

Lawyer: Have you heard the story of the cap seller and the monkey?

Constable: Yes. I read in 5^th standard in Churu district school, Sir.

Lawyer:  Why did you not try that trick?

Constable: I did not have a cap, Sir. Also, the monkey did not steal the caps, Sir.

Lawyer: Did you ask the monkey to return the evidence?

Constable: No Sir.

Lawyer: Why did you not ask?

Constable: I don’t know the monkey language, Sir.

Lawyer: The monkeys know Hindi. Why did you not ask in Hindi?

Constable: I will keep that in mind, for the next time, Sir.

Lawyer: When the monkey went, had you gone and if you wanted to, and was able to for the time being, presuming all restraints were not there, do you think you could have brought the monkey back to the Police Station?

Constable: I don’t know, Sir.

Lawyer: What is it that you don’t know?

Constable: What you are saying, Sir.

Lawyer: The murder weapon and other pieces of evidence had been stolen by a monkey in 2016. As per the only eye-witness to the theft, Shri Makhan Lal, the monkey ran off with the bag. Even if the special Langur squad is put in action to find the said monkey, it is doubtful the bag will be with the monkey after six years. I therefore request you to dismiss this case.

Lawyer: I rest my case, your Honour.

Constable: Sir, before you take a rest, I wish to inform the Court that, after that incident, the Chief of Police sanctioned a record room for our police station. Our Chandraji police station now has a record room where all the records are maintained properly and securely. It is supervised by Records In-charge, Makhan Lal. That is, I, Sir!

I guarantee that, in future, no records can be stolen by monkeys, Sir!

About other animals and human beings, I cannot guarantee, Sir!

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Honorable Judge: After listening to all the arguments by the Lawyer and the responses from the witnesses, the Court is of the view that the monkey did not steal the key murder weapon and other pieces of evidence with a premeditated intentions. Also the failure of the police to catch the said monkey within a reasonable period of time. The Court is of the view that this monkey business be treated in a humane manner.

Hon. Judge: The case is dismissed.

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‘I think, I will attempt a crime thriller, based on this bizarre incident,’ I said.

‘Yes, The Curious Case of the Missing Monkey,’ hubby suggested.

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